Fes Hammam Experience = Priceless

I've wanted to visit Morocco since I first studied in Spain in 2005. Admittedly, I was feeling pretty wishy-washy about going because it is one of those places you get a lot of "Ummmm you should probably go with a man" type comments. I know very few men in Madrid, so luckily my friend Nona and her friends Dominique and Akwan invited me to go with them on a weekend trip to Fes.

I booked a Dar which turned out to be really nice and had a rooftop terrace I'd like to take back to California with me...I will post pictures on Facebook next week.

And now on to the funniest part of our trip...before I forget all the gory details.

For those who have experienced a Hammam, or an Arab Bath, you know it is a really fabulous and relaxing experience. We went to one in Granada and I felt totally relaxed and purified afterwards. SO being that we'd had a great experience before, Nona, Dominique and I decided to try Fes' public Hammam assuming it'd be legit. Our friend/guide Mohamed told us that for $100 Dirham ($10 Euros) we could get an hour bath and a massage with essential oils. We were sold.

Mohamed did the talking for us and we entered the Hammam during the women-only time slot. The Moroccans go naked (or at least topless), but the three of us decided to wear our bathing suits being the nudity shy Americans we are.

Before we entered the actual bath, an old woman came up to me and motioned for me to take my bikini top off. Let it be known that being naked is not my favorite thing in the world and I definitely don't like showing my breasts to anyone. When I didn't take my top off, the woman proceeded to pull her own large droopy breasts out of her bathing suit (as an example for us) and then pointed and grabbed at my boobs while I tried to relay the fact that I wanted to keep my top on. That's when we knew we were in for it.

The inside of the bath looked like a normal Hammam except for the fact that the floor was littered with blue plastic buckets containing hot and cold water and loads of half-naked (or totally naked) women and girls from the neighborhood sitting cross-legged on the floor or on little plastic stools. In my head, I immediately started freaking out about the cleanliness of the place and was a tad worried that Mohamed said this one was cleaner than the Hammam by our hostel because it didn't look very clean to me. I couldn't stop the visions of plantar's warts and fungus dancing in my head. Apparently, when you don't have a shower in your house, you pay $10 Dirham ($1 Euro) to go to the public bath house to get clean. There is no luxurious 'spa' treatment to be found.

The three of us had no idea what we were supposed to do, so we sat down and started throwing water on ourselves (still wearing bathing suits and trying not to let any skin touch the floor). That's when a REALLY old lady came up to me, ripped my top off and started dumping water over my head and scrubbing me with a sponge. She then moved my limbs around as if I were a rag doll while I frantically tried to keep my private parts private and my feet off the floor. Since I was the first to get the 'treatment,' Nona and Dominique got to watch the show. I'm sure the look of shock and horror on my face was hilarious...especially when she put my head WAY too close to her woman parts.

The Hammam attendant washed my hair (with a sample pack of Pantene Pro-V), then brushed it (I don't have lice yet), and scrubbed me down with an exfoliant glove, making sure to show me how much dead skin was coming off. I'm pretty sure she thought I left half my brain wherever it was I came from because I was so bad at following her 'directions.'

Moral of the story is, if you don't like being naked or surrounded by other naked people and like everything to be squeaky clean, don't go to a public Hammam. Instead of leaving the bath feeling purified and clean, you will leave feeling slightly mortified and will want to take a LONG shower afterwards. At least we gave the ladies something to talk about....and it was definitely an unforgettable travel memory.