How do you sum up a year that started with tragedy, had a slightly uncomfortable middle, and a totally unexpected end? Here's my crack at it...
I rang in 2010 dancing the night away in a friend's kitchen with people I've known forever who hold a special place in my heart. Then tragedy struck when we lost Ben and, although I was on the other side of the Atlantic, I was deeply touched by the strength of my community and that of my friends, who never cease to impress me.
January through July was a blur of unforgettable travel and teaching experiences that included visits to and from friends new and old. Looking back, I wasted a lot of time worrying about what to do when I returned to the States. I wish I had had the ability to shutdown the anxious part of my brain and instead, focus on living in the moment.
Now that I've been in California for six months, I've had a lot of time to process my year in Spain. The ways in which it has shaped me as a person and my overall outlook on life are indelible. For those experiences and the people I met, I am eternally grateful to whoever is watching over me and my path in life.
Although the decision to come home was easy because I was more than ready to leave the 'foreigner' sign on my forehead behind, readjusting to life in the States was anything but. The difficulty came when I returned to a place that hadn't really changed as someone with a new and different outlook on life.
Spain made me more confident in myself and even though I'd already done things to improve my self-confidence (i.e. running a marathon in 2007, traveling to Argentina solo in 2008, etc.), taking myself out of my comfort zone gave me the distance I needed to qualify the things that I value most in my life.
So in 2011, a new year/new decade, I will put the people in my life first and banish all the 'things' society tells me I should do/have/be worried about to a distant 532nd place. I've discovered that no matter how much time I dedicate to being preoccupied with things - like a career, marriage, babies, making money, buying a house, car, appliances, etc. - all the thinking and resulting anxiety get me nowhere because life is utterly unpredictable...and I like it that way.
While it is true that I've recently started craving a more 'settled' existence, the only reason I've arrived at that point is the menagerie of experiences I've actively participated in, the good and the bad being equally influential. Had I followed the straight and narrow path to 'adulthood,' I wouldn't have discovered the joy I find in teaching, I wouldn't have met some very interesting, brave, and inspiring people, and, worst of all, I would've become an accomplice of mediocrity.
Although the things I am most proud of in 2010 are not necessarily tangible, I am so thankful to have a better idea of where I fit in in this world, the contributions I will eventually make, and how I can utilize my natural aptitudes to get there. I've been on a non-traditional path for a little over two years and have finally stopped comparing MY route to that of others because I trust that someone or something somewhere has exciting plans for me. Getting there is the fun part. Happy New Year!
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